I’m writting this post, while i’m holding my little Matias in my arms after an almost an hour breastfeeding, and I cannot feel more blessed and happy! I laugh on those days when the doctors told me it would be very difficult to me to get pregnant, like seriously! Mia wasn’t plan and we had her 3 months after I stopped the pills, and Matias was totally planned, and he came as soon as we tried. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be a mom, and I never imagined myself being one.. No that I didn’t want it, but I just didn’t picture myself being one. When I found out I was pregnant with Mia, it took me almost a week to let Francisco know because I was in totally shock. I remember exactly the moment I knew, it was Sunday, Francisco came out from the showe and I just couldn’t handle the smell of his perfume.. And in that moment I knew!! my mom came to my mind, she used to tell me that when she was pregnant with me she hated my dad’s perfume, so very inside of me I knew I had something growing inside! I didn’t say anything to Francisco, I just went to the pharmacy bought that pregnancy test, and I remember staring at it in the washroom for like 10 min. I wanted to cry, to smile, I was in shock.. I didn’t know what to do, so I hide the test in my closet and started to act like nothing happened. I remebered the next day on my way to work listening to my ipod, I was on the bus and my mind was imagine all of this things. After work I went to the walk in clinic to do the blood test, and I wait for the results before telling Francisco. There are lots of things that i’m afraid of.. But the biggest one is to forget my babies birth. For some reason I remember clearly every second on Mia’s birth, better than the one with Matias that only happened two weeks ago. My theory is that because with Mia I had an epidural and with Matias I felt all the pain, and maybe my mind blocked certain moments on Matias birth because of this.. Anyways, I remember clearly the moment when they putted Mia in my chest, she was crying and suddendly she started to climb until her face was next to my face I told her “good job” and suddendly she opened her eyes, look at me and stop crying. I have this image of us staring at each other, knowing that we will be connected forever. I knew in that moment that I’ll never love someone the way I love her. That she was a part of me, like a part of my body that comes separately.. But still mine. With my Matias it was different. The pain was unbelivable, I feel that I fight so much so he can arrive safetly and suddendly they put him on my chest, he didn’t climb like Mia, I moved him next to me and I really don’t remember what I said to him, but I do remember being looking at him, and felt all of this love and gratitude, I couldn’t stop kissing him, I was in shock again.. I was amazed!! Did I just created a little man? How was that possible? We spent all of this time together, we went trough all of this emotions and things that happened while he was in my tummy, some of them happy, some of them sad and painful. He was with me kicking me from the inside, reminding me how strong I can be. He was making me feel that it didn’t matter what can happened, I’ll always going to have him.. And now he was finally here! He was finally in this world so we can take care of each other. There is no words to describe the love I have for these two. It is true, you gave up your body, your life, your sleep, your sanity, and you do it without thinking. You do it not expecting anything back.. Well maybe a little smile! I know i’m not the best mother, I know i’ve made lots of mistakes, but i’ve never feel more proud of myself. Motherhood is without a doubt the most difficult job, the one that makes you get all the skills that you were missing. Multitasking, patience, fast learned, and the list goes on and on. I admire all of my fellow mothers, we are all different but we have one thing in common.. We will always remember the way they make us feel. Happy mothers day!
